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Monday, April 7th, 2008

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:8:32 pm.
where to even start. my life is something that.. i'm not really sure what to assess it as... but.. it is what it is and its highly copeable and much more satisfying. i never feel that "crave" for something else... every once in a while i feel a little melancholy.. but mostly.. i'm good. i can't wait to move somewhere that feels good. i can't stand the bleakness.. which makes me think that new york but not be right for me.. i just need nice weather all the time.. it makes me feel so much better

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

(Penny for your thoughts)

Subject:is life even comprable?
Time:1:41 pm.
i think i've been lucky. my life has recently been full of love and passion. full of feelings of uncertainty and questions about what lies ahead 3 years and 3 minutes. the idea that i'm so close with another human being, especially a 22 year old guy, is pretty outrageous. it was like one day i lived a certain way and then the next day everything was different. andrew and i went from being barely acquaintances to live-in lovers. LOL. but since the end of november i'd say it was a rare day if i didnt see andrew... you know excluding christmas. its strange really. its like we never share anything of our own... i feel like thats how it is when people date... sharing things that they have.. but it was like as soon as we got together.. it was already an "us"... what "we" do.. and i dont know.. maybe its my own problem that i like that. i dont really know if its a problem..i mean i see how it can be but i really love that we're something together.. something else.. its unexplainable.. and its really powerful. i dont think a lot of people find that very often... its a different type of together.. its like when we're not together that whole part of me just isnt there.. isnt alive.. and not that i always need that "part" of me.. i just think that its my most comfortable self. but then theres the self thats just dying to be free. and its not that i think being with andrew makes me not free.. its more that i can think of myself without him and know that my future will be great either way. i've decided its all about everyday. living in the future makes the present not as much fun. i can't live in the present so much that i'm oblivious but, healthy balance i guess.

hair school starts in one week. i'm going to be full-time in school in one week.. its crazy to think of. especially since i can remember the day i decided i wanted to wait until the february class to give andrew and i more time toegether.. that was like 8 weeks ago. i feel stronger and safer than ever.. and i also dont feel like i'm relying on andrew as much. i think i rely on people emotionally too much really.

Monday, September 3rd, 2007

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:10:01 pm.
i'd like to make something clear -- i liked him before anyone else did, before he was good. granted, better girls than me want him now.. but still.. i should count for something right? whatever.. i'm not gonna compeat for some guy that turned out badly last time we tried it.. but.. theres something so appealing about him :[ .. now i'm just kinda bummed cause it seemed like third time was a charm.. maybe it could still happen. highly doubt it though

Tuesday, August 28th, 2007

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:9:12 pm.
today was my first day of classes. college math & stats is fucking boring.. but i expected that.. lol.. i just hope i dont faill.. math has always been so hard for me and i just dont wanna get too behind or confused or anything.. so i'm trying to focus but its damn difficult. i think i'll manage to get it together though.. then tonight i had my composition class. i have this class once a week for 3 hours.. lol.. my teacher is really dull and kind of like not all there.. but he seems nice nonetheless.. definitely not an asshole.. just kind of bland. but anyways. this class will be easy as anything, the first assignment is a 5 paragraph descriptive essay.. and we have 2 whole weeks to complete it! HA .. last year i had to do that stuff in like 2 nights.. but it'll hopefully be an easy grade. and the class is supposed to be 3 hours.. he let us out after an hour and a half! crazy right?
but i'm glad i decided to take some classes

idk.. it makes me anxious.. i can't help but think about my future and what i want and what i dream about. i just feel like i want so much.. so many different things.. i just can't pick which path.. and i'm also anxious because i'm only part-time right now and i'm thinking maybe going full-time in the spring? i just want to get more credits under my belt. after the fall semester is over i'll only have 7 credits... normal college semester is 12 credits.. so.. maybe i'll take like 3 classes in the spring.. or 4.. idk. just a thought.

i'm really excited about my art class that starts at the end of september. i feel like its going to be really fun and like fulfilling. maybe it'll help me in figuring out what i wanna do.. i dont know.. i just feel like it'll be really valuable.

& i just got a new puppy. his name is Ernie and he's a silky terrier.. he's the greatest and cutest thing in the world and i adore him. its just nice thats there's always "someone" at the house whenever i'm there.. i just hate being alone anymore.. i think thats why i love the computer so much.. cause you never feel alone. but.. Ernie! he's great.. so cute and fun.. its a lot of work but good kind of work.

ah so i'm obsessed.. literally.. with thinking about all the tattoos that i want to get. i really think that in the spring i wanna go out to LA and go to LA ink & get someone at that shop to do a tattoo on me. they're so great.

rah. need to get skinny soon =[

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:8:10 pm.

this time last year i feel like .. something was different.. i was more vibrant. idk its really hard to explain. especially since this year i feel like i've found my real best friend and have had the most romantic action so to speak. i'm also ten times more physically fit and independent. i mean, i'm definitely not where i'd wanna be in the body department - but definitely better then a year ago. i'm quite self-sufficient and i feel like i'm coming into my own. also! school has become increasingly easier.. its like at the end of it, i'm finally catching on - really understanding what i'm learning and taking iniative in doing things.. but like.. something's missing.. perhaps my innocent charm. this time last year the only illegal thing i'd ever partaken in was drinking in italy- which actually wasn't illegal. and its not that i think alchey or pot are bad - they can be quite fun.. its just.. the only true parallel i can make. it could also be that i'm just getting older. but i dont want to become old and boring and lose a spark.

Saturday, September 2nd, 2006

(1 Penny | Penny for your thoughts)

Subject:if its an eye for an eye, why cant i get this right?
Time:1:11 pm.
i'm excited for autumn. its always been my favorite season.

lit paper i guess.

Monday, July 24th, 2006

(1 Penny | Penny for your thoughts)

Time:9:50 pm.
I'm gonna try to get this thing going again.
Cause frankly.. I miss my old LJ.
Sure, the username doesnt fit anymore
and my last entry is about a boy that I've had 2 crushes since
but oh well

Something thats so weird to me is how different I am since this time last year
I feel so much older, and I rarely ever feel changed.
My most prominent memory of last summer was galivanting around with Susanne in the Subbie.
We'd drive around everywhere and literally holler at boys from the front seat. It was really fun. I felt so grown up because I was hanging out with someone older and we talked to guys and stuff. idk.
But now.. I dont feel grown up.. I am grown up. Well.. more so than last year.
I dont think however much you grow and change though, that you get over love. or ridiculous crushes or the idea that something could progress. Perhaps i should just start falling for the guys that are interested in me... thats what I thought anyways. But that backfired because you cant be with someone you dont genuinely like or feel connected with.

Growing apart from friends is weird.
It sucks
But people change
And you cant have a relationship with the memory of someone you used to adore.

Saturday, February 11th, 2006

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:10:26 am.

so for a few days.. actually a whole week.. the previous entry was complete bull.. but now.. i mean it again.

why so many ups and downs? why can't we just be together? why do the "scheduling gods" keep us apart by mere half an hours? the old-esque me would probably just believe that it's not meant to be and if it were, it would just happen. but i dont really believe in fated things like that anymore.. i think you have to work at things, put yourself out there.

so that's what i did. and that's what i'll continue to do. unless of course he tells me to just back off or something.. but i kinda think its mutual. or atleast i hope so.

i'm trying to kick ass at my research paper, and so far i think my efforts are paying off, but it's one of the hardets things i've had to do. the whole concept of existentialism is still something that i can't quite get my head around.

things i want::

  • love
  • italian exchange, pronto!
  • spring time
  • a delovely 17th
  • prom
  • summer
  • the beach
  • a tan
  • stress-free happiness


Sunday, January 22nd, 2006

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:12:27 am.

its official.

i have a big time crush on a boy who :::

  • fumbles with his words
  • slaps other guys asses
  • is a complete jock
  • and is an artist also
  • has the cutest smile, ever.
  • has very big hands (and we know how i am about hands)
  • gives me a lot of hope
  • is incerdibly shy around girls
  • is made of so much more for me to learn about.

my best friend thinks he likes me too.


Saturday, December 10th, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:7:55 pm.


i kinda just want to watch Felicity & Sex and the City re-runs for like 3 days straight.

my sunday is already booked up with things i dont want to do.


give me back the last 48 hours, please?

actually, i'd also like my dignity back.. and my sanity, if i ever had that.


Tuesday, December 6th, 2005

(2 Pennies | Penny for your thoughts)

Time:1:27 pm.

last night turned out to be a bust (i guess)

i'm thinking that this whole thing is just like every guy i've ecountered and i'm not desireable and he's never going to make a move because he doesn't want me. or maybe "he's shy about it".. yeah.. i'm not sure if my dad feels simply sorry for me or if it was real advice. i mean my brother did say "theyre usually just as afraid as you".. but i think i've made it pretty known that i'm interested.. jesus christ i nearly lost a toe by showing i'm interested. so what's there to fear now as far as he's concerned. this is all just a waste of time probably.

so in liu of this, i've found a new idol.. and she is a fictitional character in a book who is exactly like me. i'm following her lead, atleast for a month and just see.. for me.

katie dill's music is really beautiful. i'm downloading it as i write and i plan on uploading to my iPod-izzle which is pretty much a compliment because if i'm completely honest, i hate most of the things that my youth comes up with.

which in fact shows that she is completely wise beyond her years.


Sunday, November 27th, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:10:30 pm.

i will hate your girl. but i wont tell you that she's real pretty.

dont fucking tell me that this is going to happen a-fucking-gain.

yeah. i'm a little bit mad.

just call me Duckie.

because that's all I'll ever be to any boy. anywhere, across the whole god damn world.


Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:2:24 am.
Read more...Collapse )

Friday, November 18th, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:10:10 pm.

my head is in a dream. its obvious by the way i look at you.


every once in a while you forget the emotional effect music has over you. its makes you gutsy. a little more flushed. maybe thats why movies always have perfect background music.

dont you ever wish songs were playing in the background as we go through these extraordinary motions and not so extradinary motions?

Thursday, November 17th, 2005

(2 Pennies | Penny for your thoughts)

Time:3:21 pm.

I think i have that thing called "the general horn" however.. its not too too bad, yet.

i'm getting my hair done in a week or so.. cannot wait.. its gonna be suh-well.

i love The Academy Is.... aaaaye lot.

i was thinking today that loneliness leads to insanity. if you think about it, most of the people who have had severe mental problems have been alone or felt alone.



Sunday, November 6th, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:9:19 pm.

christmas season is fast approaching, and i'm really excited.

i've decided to officially do something about my ongoing struggle with weight. i just want to feel good about me.. and i think thats uber important.

i can drive by myself in 7 days.. freeedom


Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:5:25 pm.


In A Way - Hanson

this song is amazing.. the lyrics are incredible & Zac's voice is so passionate when this is sung. read them

On the third floor of the hotel
There's a pregnant Flamenco dancer
In the bathtub with a razor
And she's planning a great escape
But in a way she's giving up on herself
But either way she's giving up some of herself

But in the backyard there's a small boy
Playing soldiers with an army ranger
In the front room there's a mother
And to the small boy she's a stranger
But in a way she's giving up on herself
But either way she's giving up some of herself

Love is only what you give up
Life isn't what you get
Love won't always hear you come
Life's when you start to live
Life's when you learn to live

When I leave here I'm gonna go to
The small boy and the flamenco dancer
When a guitar in a spotlight
I'm gonna go home to my biggest fans
But in a way I'm giving up some of myself
But in a way isn't that what it's about
But in a way I'm giving up some of myself
But either way isn't that what it's about

Love is only what you give up
Life isn't what you get
Love won't always fill your cup
Life's when you start to live
Life's when you learn to live


things are ok. i like that boy again. i'm crazy, i know.. but there's something about him that i can't keep trying to deny.

Wednesday, October 26th, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:3:34 pm.

i'm so over you. and i knew i would be. you're not the one i wanted. i fooled myself to be into you. and that's the worst thing that i could do.

i miss the old FOB cd.. it makes me so happy

Hanson concert in 2 days.. i cannot wait.

your perfect smile is overrated

Friday, October 21st, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:7:04 pm.

things are going about as great as anyone could expect.

                          aka. shit-tay

i'm thinking that love isn't meant for me.

and thats not for pity.. its fo' real.

i dont think i could ever be a nun though. i'll probably be heartless by 40 and fucking for the hell of it.

in more aesthetic news... I'm thinking of chopping my hair off again.. in a very cute way.. but I'm not really a long haired kinda gal. not today anyways & not in this entry.

I dont feel good. I just want to feel good.



Saturday, October 15th, 2005

(Penny for your thoughts)

Time:2:28 pm.

you can try the best you can.. and the best you can is good enough

LiveJournal for Amy.

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